I.2. BOUND BY LOVE, BURDENED BY CARE

No matter how deeply it aches, I’ll keep it to myself.

They say love is light, but they forget to mention how heavy it feels when you’re carrying someone else’s wounds on your shoulders. Love isn’t always soft. Sometimes it’s staying up when you’re drained, worrying when you should be resting, and carrying someone else’s weight as if it were your own. You don’t even think twice because you care. And that’s the thing: the same love that warms you can also wear you out.

When life feels heavy, how do you choose which burden to carry?

We all can relate to this question, don't we?? Yeah, somewhere we all do. Because if you are a student preparing for university, a university student, a corporate worker, a business owner, an SEO or you're someone who is just tryin' to figure things out.

It's a CHAOS, isn't it! 

You might feel that you're just getting deeply dissolved into the problems, the moment you try to solve it. If you balance your work life, your personal life gets messed up; vice versa. 

So, when you're trying to make your work life better, your personal life is messed in such a way that you want to step out of this bond. But the immense love won’t let you, even when the care feels heavier than my heart can hold. And I realized this kind of weight isn’t just about relationships. I have felt the same weight in my preparation journey. 

Because now clearing an exam wasn’t just about getting into the best college anymore. Somewhere along the way, it became about my credibility, my future. Moreover, it became about my family’s hope, their credibility, and their future too. When you’re halfway through your preparation, you suddenly realize it’s not just your dream you’re chasing. You’re carrying the weight of everyone who believes in you. That’s when it starts to feel heavy. And by the time you reach the third or fourth phase of your prep, you’re already mentally drained.

And here’s the thing: mentors will listen if you open up. But how do you bare your personal struggles to someone you’ve only known for a few months? That hesitation becomes another weight you carry.

If we talk about the mentors, it’s not that they won’t listen to your personal problems; they will. But you hesitate. Because how do you just open up about your personal stuff to someone you’ve only known for a few months? And here comes the plot twist: it’s not just that your academic life is a mess; your personal life is tangled too. The people around you pile on so much pressure, as if this one exam is a do-or-die situation. Yeah, I get it, they’re trying to motivate me by showing me the picture of my future. They want me to have a bright one. But at what cost? By making me compromise my mental, physical, and even social life?

Now let me ask you few questions,

• Does it truly leave a mark on your mental, social, and physical well-being—or is it just a misconception?
• Why don’t you get the desired results?
• Why do we often confuse care with duty and duty with care?
• What happens when caring turns into control?
• Could it be that letting someone breathe freely is the highest form of love?

You might once in a lifetime might have crossed your paths with these questions, if you are a good observer or a mindful over-thinker. These kind of questions definitely should come to you while you're raged enough to feel it's the end and wise enough to understand and figure out, why and how did I end up in this situation? In this era, we all overthink at some point in our life, so if you still haven't seen this perspective and learnt from so many relatable reels, you keep watching daily, spent hours just by sliding your thumb over your mobile screen than trust me you've taken the go with the flow slogan way to seriously and in a very wrong way, because following a stupid wave without knowing how it is destroying you, than you're not really a genius. And have guts to swallow this harsh truth about yourself. Stay tuned with me to know more about wise overthinkers. This issue of not having a larger perspective is the issue and not giving importance to only the important and solvable issue is most common reasons behind anxiety and panic attacks. So basically what am trying to say is ask the questions i asked you right now, seek for answers, if your mind doesn't responds quickly than just take a pause and try answering them, because answering these questions may help to get you to your answers.

Trust me you'll walk with something good after reading this blog.

Now let me emulsify for you;

Yes, it the preparation phase does leaves a deep scar on an aspirant; mentally, physically and socially too: because imagine one day you're in school with your friends, teachers and parents enjoying your life at fullest and from the other day you're suddenly in a rat-race, or the Worldliness, while in that preparatory phase you meet such weirdos who doesn't even informs you about the test schedules when your mentors asked them to inform you because you didn't attend the class due to some reasons that day, some weirdos are jealous because you scored a single digit more than them, some would suddenly start acting strange because you answered few questions right before they could reach for solutions and they didn't. Before the one facing this even understands the tactic the trust issues have already developed in them. They feel they are in hell. Everyday facing them is equally traumatizing and the environment you stay in isn't peaceful, it will make your mind restless. And when you sit in the same position for studying, you don't move because you're so into studying that you don't realize you haven't unfolded your leg since hours and didn't stretch your back, you' re drained physically too.

So, when does the social draining starts?

When it's almost three months into the preparation and you have just disappeared and then by chance someone saw you on the street and questions you so much, but you are just blank because you are just wondering about those two problems you weren't able to solve in class the previous day. And you just fumble and they live without a proper conversation because they didn't get the response they wanted from you, and you're left in guilt that may be you could've smiled at them in a good way leaving a good impression for them about you that day. So, next time you see people you might approach you, you just have their glance and change the path or turn your head to the other side, pretending you didn't saw them. Because now seeing people develops anxiety within you because you have lost our abilities to communicate.

You don't get desired results because,

• Because in your mind, you’ve already reached the finish line you’re living the victory before you’ve earned it.
• Because you see yourself at the top of the list in your head, even when your marks tell a different story.
• Because you’re working hard in daydreams, not in the hours spent at your desk.
• Because you crave healthy habits, yet never truly practice them.
• Because you hope someone will lift you up, but no one will.
• Because you seek moral support, yet sometimes even your closest friends can’t give it.

And when you step back from your own struggle, you realize it’s not just you. The same weight exists in families everywhere. People often see love as a simple give-and-take process. But true love isn’t just about exchange, it’s about understanding. And sometimes, in the closest of relationships, that understanding quietly disappears.

Imagine a middle-class family. It doesn’t matter where in the world they live—because middle-class families, everywhere, share the same struggles. The polished image of a country doesn’t change the fact that bills still pile up, dreams cost money, and parents silently carry the fear of uncertainty. In this family, there are two siblings: an elder daughter and a younger son. Their parents, like so many others, want nothing more than to see them succeed; study well, graduate, and earn enough so they never have to depend on anyone. It sounds noble, even protective. But often, that vision of security becomes a burden.

The daughter feels the unspoken responsibility of being the example. The son grows up in her shadow, trying to match or break free from the standard she sets. Both love their parents deeply, but love is not the only thing they feel, they also carry the weight of expectation. And then there’s the distraction: the little glowing device in your hand right now, your mobile phone. Parents point to it as the reason for all diversions. Deep down, we know they’re right but dopamine does its work. But sometimes, we aren’t addicted to distraction itself. Sometimes, we’re just trying to escape the pressure of being perfect. 

But guidance, when stretched too far, slowly turns into control. It begins innocently: “Don’t go out with your friends.” “Don’t do this.” “Don’t always be sad.” Before long, it becomes a constant stream of nagging. What starts as protection makes you feel frustrated, anxious, even guilty for emotions you never asked to feel. Parents rarely realize how their tone, their restrictions, or their impatience silently shape a child’s inner world. They don’t see that their reactions leave scars of anger, exhaustion, and self-doubt.

The truth is whether it’s love or ambition, carrying someone else’s weight or your own dreams; both can be beautiful, and both can be exhausting. And maybe that’s the hidden side no one talks about.

Sometimes, the only way to handle this weight is not by fighting against it, but by finding balance within it. Talking openly without the fear of being judged can soften the walls between parents and children. And when conversations don’t work, creating small boundaries for yourself, like limiting your distractions in a mindful way or carving out time for things that keep you sane, can help you breathe. Parents too need to understand that guidance works better than control, and children need to remind themselves that they are allowed to be human, not perfect machines of success. It’s not about rebelling or obeying blindly, it’s about finding a middle ground where care does not turn into control, and ambition does not erase understanding.

Could it be that letting someone breathe freely is the highest form of love? Maybe love is not just about keeping someone safe, but about trusting them enough to let them stumble, fall, and rise again on their own terms. And perhaps, in that freedom, love becomes less of a burden and more of a gift.

But love has many faces. Sometimes, even when we open up, understanding doesn't follow. We share our thoughts hoping to feel lighter, yet find ourselves carrying a different kind of weight, the disappointment of being unheard, misunderstood, or seen only in fragments.

In my next blog, “The Illusion of Being Understood,” I'll explore why sharing isn't always the bridge we imagine it to be, and how the longing to be understood can sometimes leave us feeling more alone than before.